I’m a recent college grad (May 2008) that only has a seasonal job at a theme park. It pays good money, especially in the summer, but since the parks closed for the winter, I’ll be temporarily out of a job for 5 months. My field is in graphic design, ever since the end of August, I’ve been job hunting; I gotten interviews, and turned down something that was only being paid on commission and required a lot of driving. The job market *****. I started my own business about a month ago and luckily I’m signing up my first sponsor this week. However, I cannot put a lot of money into it right now for it to grow it cause I’m out of work. I picked up a side job designing a website for someone. Other than that, I’m a starving artist. I still live at home like a loser. I have loans to pay and a small medical bill due to an anxiety attack I had a few weeks ago. My parents say that they can help me out financially when I need it, but I’d rather not sound high maitnenance or be a mooch. Everyone tells me to calm down, but if I calm down, I might be called a slacker or a bum and won’t get stuff done. I’m a very sharp ambitious person and doing what I can to earn extra money and find a better job. I could take a job as a waitress or any other job, but I’ll be overqualified because of my degree. In order to save money I am literally skipping meals and starving myself. When I tell my friends and family about this, they worry and look at me like I’m insane; but I got no choice here. I cannot predict exactly when I’ll find a better job and when the economy will speed up again. I keep applying myself day in and day out, but I still come up short. If I can look back on the past week, I only had about 600 calories or less a day, so I’m saving extra bucks on the grocery bill, so that my parents won’t have to go out and buy as much food; I don’t want to be a freeloader, so I’m starving to pay off my loans! I’m literally to the point of not being able to think clearly while sending out resumes and applications cause I’m so hungry and feel lightheaded. The other day at work, I felt like I could faint and was all moody and had stomach problems. I’m not sure what else to do here? Between my two bank accounts, I have about $4,500. I feel like I have to kill myself here so that I won’t go broke. I know a job will turn up, but by then, I’ll probably die of starvation. What’s scary is that I feel really good when I starve myself. Things are serious, what else to do?
Comments
You need to get help for your eating disorder before you end up in hospital. Please go and see your GP and explain, he can refer you to a specialist that you can talk to about your anxiety issues.
I’m in the same boat as you, graduate with no job but I’m forced to take help with my rent from my parents, I think you should too. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, they’ve offered to help and you can pay them back when you get a job. Being a mooch for a few months is really not the worst thing in the world, dying of Anorexia is.
Oh wow, all I can say is you remind me a lot of myself! Seriously! At my worst i lost 15% of my weight, and at the beginning I was only 130. All this talk about not wanting to burden others again reminds me of myself. It’s an anxiety thing. You have what I call the edge of the cliff view; in that you are aware money, food, and other such things are finite and you are concerned about what may happen if they run out(the edge of the cliff). Again, if you are like me you find some sort of comfort in knowing you are at least doing the best you can do distance yourself from the cliff(not eating much, not spending much, etc).
Really, in my opinion it is just an existentialist anxiety problem. I don’t mean just in a demeaning way, it can be tough to overcome. Another one of my anxieties was disease… I was convinced I was going to have cancer. And guess what? I did eventually get cancer, it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and it has been the greatest help towards getting me to enjoy life again. I have been cancer free for 3 years and honestly don’t expect it to come back.
Beyond any medication I think the best changes we can make in our lives is to realize that, really, it isn’t so bad if you can find strength in yourself and relationships. Sometimes it takes a crisis or event to do that. I eventually hit the edge and it was very liberating. With the right attitude it can be easy to ask for help and get going again.
Hope this helped somehow.
-Rob
relax girl, you’re young and things will fall into place. i’m 46 and in school. when i get my degree, i’ll be too old to find a job and have loans out the ***. just waitress or do what you gotta do until you find a job. most waitressing jobs don’t care about your degree…in fact restaurants usually hire college kids. i have two kids at home and practically nothing in the bank…you have a lot more money than me! just take it one day at a time. that’s what i’m doing. what will be will be.
Well for one you seem in denial about your anorexia. People without an eating disorder would not just starve to save money if they could ask their parents. Just get some help from them. It’s okay to need and get help when you need it sometimes. You have to eat because you will cause a horrible metabolic disaster on your body. Make a deal with your parents and even try to pay them back. Parents understand what it’s like to be all out on your own and they want to be there for you. Let them be there for you right now. Maybe you just need to go home for a while and get some help with the support your family. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!
