I have been unemployed for about 5 months, and people constantly ask how it’s going and if I have found anything. I know they are probably just trying to have a conversation, but it really bugs me that I have to keep saying no job yet, I’m still a failure… I kind of want to say it ***** but thanks for reminding me.
Even my husband bickers about it, and I told him it bugs me and makes me feel bad but he and all the family/friends keep mentioning it. Should I say I got a job just to shut them up? Would you be offended? I would think if I had one, I would tell them and they shouldn’t be asking!
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instead you could turn it into a positive for you. you could say you haven’t found that perfect job yet or haven’t found the job you are passionate about yet.
You should say, I’m still looking for that job that’s worthy of me. I don’t suppose you’d know of one, would you? That will let them know you’re not going to settle for a cruddy job, and not to be nosy unless they’re willing to help.
i agree with tiedye. plus your frustration adds fuel to their fire. be confident when you answer their questions. anyone that job hunts knows it can be a chore and frustrating; those asking may not be wearing those shoes right now. or, you can change the subject and ignore the questions.
in the meantime, find something you are good at so you will honestly say that you’ve been keeping yourself occupied. you just may find that you can self-employ.
you don’t say how old you are, and for many 40 and over the position becomes one of how to feel fulfilled/worthwhile, productive, and contributory in a position whether the job is white or blue collar.
i wish you the best.
I was in a similar situation and was asked that question a lot, too. I understand that it is depressing, but a lot of people do just care about you. Also, sometimes people have connections and might be able to help you out with a job. You just have to push through it, and don’t give up! I wish you the best of luck.
People say those things because they really care about you.But im one who kind of knows my friends and when they say that to me i just say not one i really like are you looking for me one and if they say no i say well if you find me one tell me all about it then.Gets them away from you and onto something else.
I don’t find it rude….they are just asking because they care about you. You are making way to much out of it.
Technically, It’s rude, but it’s also annoying as heck to hear that question. People who have never experienced a long bout of unemployment will never develop a sensitivity as to how often that question is heard (from other friends, from relatives, from parents, from siblings) by the victim.
If you care about someone and you want to ask, you could do it in a polite way and say How’s your summer been so far? or Done any interesting things lately? And from there if the person decides to talk about their job hunt, it’s their choice. If not, then we should infer from that which is not said.
In the US (and Japan) one’s job is so inextricably tied up with one’s persona that we often begin a casual conversation with so, what do you do for a living? (check any of the etiquette books and you will discover this is a major No-no in gracious living). Yet people continue to do it. Therefore, asking about a job hunt is a logical extension of that faux pas.
They’re trying to show that they care about you and are concerned for your well-being. Just smile and politely say I’m working on it. That’s what I did when I spent a year looking for (and not finding) a teaching job. I finally have one now. I’ll be praying for you.
No, it’s not rude. You are probably sensistive as you say because you haven’t found anything. Don’t let it bother you. You’ll find what you need in due time. If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I are trying for a baby for awhile and people keep telling me IT’s about time you had a baby…I forsee a baby…when are you going to have a baby. I’m like Shutup in my head, but I know they don’t mean any harm being that we’re newly weds. Best wishes with your job search.
Tell them that you would rather not talk about it.
Asking about a job hunt, while often well-meaning, can be touchy. It’s along the same line as asking if someone has a significant other- the askee often feels put on the spot or even judged. And having it come from family can make it even touchier. Some ideas which are honest but which deflect the askers include mentioning upcoming job interviews, or saying you are waiting for a callback sometime this week. Another thing to try, if it’s your thing and you can live with it, is to get some kind of low-status job as a kind of fill-in until you get something which is better. It should zip the lips of your family, and bring smiles when you land a better position.
